hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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