Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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