My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
