Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
