I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
