im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
