I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
