whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
