there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
