i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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