I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
