He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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