Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
