Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Bang-toberfest begins!!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
