I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
