it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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