Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
