so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
