Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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