Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
