My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
