yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
