No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
this will be a night to untag.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
