Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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