And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize