So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
