I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
