I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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