OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
