Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
