he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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