Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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