You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
