This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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