i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
