Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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