hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
