weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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