he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
