Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
