I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
