Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
there is glitter all over my balls
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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