Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When did angry sex become our thing?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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