Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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