Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
