We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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