i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
What a dumb baby whore.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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