And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Found your dick twin last night
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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