my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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