I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
