he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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