dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
