I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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