so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
