I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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