I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
