I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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