Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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