I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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