Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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