I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
