can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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