Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
