Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
