Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize