We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
