it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
