i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
