I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
